Words of Paradise. Taken January 7, 2012 in Philadelphia PA.

I was a speck of dust measured in molecules

Now I am a rising mountain peak, snow-capped;

I was forgotten like coffee grains in an empty pot

Now I am surging light leading a multitude

You erased my famine, unpicked my anger

Your energy charges my voice, it radiates my heart;

Now I am alive with the ore of words pouring

From my lips like molten lava glittering with joy.

From “Words of Paradise,” the Selected Poems of Rumi.

Project 52 - 2012 Week #4

This morning, I came across this quote from Anais Nin, one of my favorite authors:

“My concept of love clashed with my desire to create. Everyone’s life and love were more important than my own.  Creation I considered a danger to my loves, my human relationships. In creation I would reveal what I was, in opposition to the roles I played to be whatever anyone needed.”

I’m not a relationship expert, nor do I claim to have the key to unlock all the secrets to what it takes to have a successful, fulfilling relationship with those we love.  I’m a photographer;  I like to take pictures; and I never professed to ever being or wanting to be a relationship blogger.

However, I think Ms. Nin was on to something very profound that deeply resonated with me as I read it.  As a matter of fact, I was like, awwww snap… I need to blog about this.

Okay.  I freely admit that I struggle with trying to strike a consistent balance between loving those in my cipher and loving and devoting all my waking hours to my craft and all that goes along with it.  Both spheres need, require and thrive on  passion and creativity and focus in equal measure…however….the reality is….

When I’m with the ones I love, I’m thinking about photography.  And when I’m doing my photography thing, I’m thinking about the next time I can spend time with my loved ones.    

I’ll be honest.  Sometimes it’s completely frustrating, and I find myself want to shut everything down.  It’s that deep.  But I recognize that this is completely unrealistic…so it requires that I dig down deep and deconstruct the root causes for the frustration.

Let’s see… #1….I don’t like juggling multiple roles, even though I’ve mastered the ability to do so.

Sometimes I get so frustrated that I want to shed all of my other roles and just live my life in complete solitude as a photographer and a blogger.  The questions pour forth:  Why do I have to wear all these other hats??  Why do I have to give of myself to other people?

#2….In my mind, I fail miserably at being all things to all people at all times, and I think that comes when I don’t feel like I’m getting sufficient feedback or acknowledgement from those that I care most about.

#3…. I sometimes find that the thing that I long to do the most is the thing that I’m NOT DOING AT THAT GIVEN MOMENT.  And it makes me angry.  Ha! What’s a girl to do?  I have to remind myself:   I’m a work in progress, which means that I’m working on loving the idea of being in the moment.

Because the reality is, the very thing that helps me see the beauty in the mundane, the very thing that helps me be the photographer I strive to be, every single day, is LOVE.  And love does not do well in a vacuum.

Without the love of my kids, my extended family and friends, I can’t create.  And that means, that when I’m spending time with them, I must draw on those expressions of love, as they are given to me…they are precious gifts.

That means that  I must put aside the anguish and frustration that may creep into my spirit, that comes ever so subtly to sabotage the joy that comes with sharing and loving others at any given time, and not looking at it as time taken away from me being able to work on or think about my photography.

This is vitally important, because when I’m doing my photography thing, I must convert the satisfaction and joy I gain from those moments into gifts that I can give and share with those who care deeply for me.

And friends, this simply means that I have to accept myself for who I am, and be very grateful that others accept me for who I am as well.

Unlike Anais Nin, I’m 100 percent certain that my desire and drive to create does not threaten my relationships.  In fact, I truly believe in my heart that my desire and drive to create are the very qualities that people are drawn to, and in fact, enhances those relationships as well.  It’s definitely not, nor should it ever be, an either-or proposition.

Peace and blessings.

T.

She approached me as I was heading home (in kinda of a grumpy mood).  She said she had seen me around Mt. Airy, at Wired Beans Cafe, and said that if she saw me again, she would reach out.

We connected so easily, had great conversation, talked about living in Philly, raising kids, relationships, art, culture….and I even gave her my card.  Hopefully, maybe, she’ll see this.

Or maybe, we’ll run into each other again.  You never know.

By the way, this was my last portrait of 2011.  If you want to see some of my favorites from my Portraits of Philadelphia series, click here.

I met her on the Ave. Taken December 30 2011 in Philadelphia PA.

Fragments of Time. Taken January 16, 2012 in Philadelphia PA

When I took this photo on Monday, I didn’t really plan for this image to become my Project 52 post for week #3.  But it is.

Let me explain why it resonated so strongly with me…. so strongly, in fact, that I woke up out of my sleep early Tuesday morning to edit it and write the post.

As I grow older, I realize that the whole of our lives are made up of little, fragmented moments in time.  They are experiences that are rooted in and connected to structures and foundations we hold dear, i.e., family, religion, culture, community, rituals.  Sometimes these experiences make sense, but more often than not, they don’t.

It’s not until we are confronted with death, literally or figuratively, that we begin to understand how  all of our fragmented experiences fit together and why they are necessary.  They are the very things that get us through to the other side.

Once we make it through, if we have learned anything, we should begin to approach life in a more holistic and unified way.  On our own, we begin to see the connections in everything because those fragmented experiences in time were all the things that we needed to bring us to the present.

The rub is this:  Often we find that many of the structures we were taught to cherish don’t always fit our reality.  That’s when we have to ask ourselves, what do we keep and what do we throw away.

Project 52 - 2012, Week #3

But there will come a time in an artist’s life when he/she realizes that he/she must take his art to the next level.  And the only way that can happen is if he or she takes the brave next step of looking at his/her work self-critically to identify those  areas needing improvement and taking the necessary steps to correct any errors or mistakes going forward.

I reached that point this year.  I knew that I had accomplished all that I could accomplish ON MY OWN, and that I wanted and needed to take my work to the “next level” (I understand that this may mean different things to different people). I knew that I was ready to grow as an artist.  So I did three things.

First,  I joined a community group of women artists of all stripes who have committed themselves to meeting every month, sharing plans, discussing short/long-term goals and holding each other accountable for making sure we all stay on task regarding what we have committed ourselves to accomplishing this year.  Now they aren’t going to be critiquing my work per se.  But – and this is very important – they will help me brainstorm projects and tasks, offer valuable suggestions and feedback, and help me to course correct if I venture off my chosen path.

Next, I joined a Project 52 group this year, which commits me to sharing an image of my own choosing every week with other participating photographers.  I understand that at the end of 52 weeks I will have a body of work that will mark my growth as a photographer.  Along the way, as I interact with others in the group, it is my hope that they will be able to help me look critically at my work so that I can improve.

And finally, and most importantly, I have put it out in the Universe that I’m looking for a mentor and a teacher…someone with whom I can establish a one on one relationship, who can critique my work with an objective, dispassionate eye, and then give me concrete suggestions, tools and feedback for improvement.  I wanted someone who has a knack for deconstructing images, someone who can look at my work and tell me in no uncertain terms what I can do to improve any and everything from my technique, to working with the proper camera settings, i.e., shooting in manual mode, being more strategic about picking my shots, and many other areas in order to improve the overall quality and depth of my work.

I made a conscious decision to put my ego aside so that I won’t get in the way of my own growth.  I’m the type of person that always thrives on challenge and the opportunity to show someone what I can do.  And I know from experience that one on one mentoring relationships have always worked well for me AND,  that when the student is ready, the teacher will come.

Most importantly, I’m committed to working really hard over the next 12 months under the watchful eye of a mentor so that I will be ready to make some strategic moves when Year Three rolls around.

The point I’m trying to make is this:  Help may come through a support group of photographers, or a teacher or a mentor or an experienced, seasoned photographer who can help you grow and develop as a photographer.  The bottom line is to get some, and the trick is to figure out what works for you in your situation, and what your comfort level will accommodate. Mentoring relationships may not be your cup of tea, but I laid out a few options aside from mentoring that may be of benefit to you.  All in all, if you are looking to be successful in photography, or any endeavor, for that matter, you can’t do it in a vacuum.

I would love to hear from you in the comments on how you benefited from being mentored, mentoring someone else, or working within the confines of a group to take your photography or other endeavor to “the next level.”

Peace and blessings,

Tieshka

Almost Closing Time (or Business As Usual). Taken January 10 2012 in Philadelphia, PA.

I shot this on Chelten Avenue in Germantown, as the sun was beginning to go down.  It’s the point at which businesses along this strip begin to close up shop for the day.

As I was editing this photo, the first thing that jumped out at me was the quiet desperation in the owner’s posture and position in the doorway, looking out, wondering if maybe a last-minute customer would wander in so he could make an evening sale.  It  got me to wondering how small business owners hold it together in this economic downturn.

And the juxtaposition of this with the owner’s wife (?) in the background, casually reading the newspaper, among the rows and rows of shoes, is powerful.  It quietly speaks to the notion that we shouldn’t give up the simple pleasures of life, even in the face of more immediate challenges.  Life goes on, right?

Bodega Boys. Taken January 10 2012 in Philadelphia, PA.

Standing Her Ground (X Marks the Spot). Taken January 10 2012 in Kensington neighborhood, Philadelphia, PA.

Two words:    Quintessential Kensington.

Scales In Sync. Taken January 7, 2012 in Philadelphia, PA.

I shot this at the Italian Market in south Philly over the weekend.  I really love the diverse, historic, organic, chaotic,  ”real people” vibe of this marketplace.  In a lot of ways, it reminds me of the Maxwell Street Market  back home in Chicago, only more intimate.

The scales, which represent balance and harmony, offer an interesting juxtaposition to the overall scene.  Interestingly enough, they were all at zero, just waiting to be filled up…with fresh fruits, vegetables, seafood, etc.  People were milling around, shopping, interacting, acquiring all of the things that are good for the body, all of the things that give us the physical energy and fuel to get through these bleak (?) winter days.

So, as I was editing this photo, I thought that it was an apt metaphor for the human condition.  Sometimes in life, we get to zero, and we need to be filled up with something.  As the saying goes, nature abhors a vacuum.  The trick then, is to then fill ourselves up spiritually as well as physically.  I’m not trying to get metaphysical or mystical in this post, but I think that we should give a lot of thought to these questions, especially given the uncertain times in which we live.

As for the Italian Market, I’m really looking forward to returning to take more photographs, particularly as the winter months give way to spring and summer.

Peace and blessings,

Tieshka

Week #2 Project 52 - 2012

Dollar Dollar Bills Y'all... Taken January 7, 2012 in Philadelphia PA

…. And I’m still here.  In Philly.  Taking pictures. Deal with it.

I remember the day, January 10, 2011, when I left north Jersey with two suitcases and my backpack and 3 1/2 years of bittersweet memories.  I lugged my crap from train to train and when finally I pulled into the 30th Street Station early that evening I still was not convinced that I made the right choice to come here.

And now, as I look back on how events unfolded over the past 12 months, I am convinced that the move here was the best thing I could have done for myself.  Period.

And I realize that the most important thing I could do for myself is take care of myself…that I’m no good to anyone else if I wasn’t working to become the best human being I can be.  Period.

I’ll be honest with you.  I don’t really recall what it feels like to be holding a fistful of dollars like the guy in this photo.  It’s been a while.  However, I have been blessed in so many other ways.  I have made some new friends and learned what true generosity and selflessness looks like.  I have begun a new life as a freelance photographer.    Although I’m broke as hell, I am rich beyond measure.  I’m healthier… I’m calmer.  I’m at peace.  And I’m completely open to the possibilities.  Finally.

And with these gifts, I choose to dwell on the positives in every situation.  And when the positives dry up and wither away, I move on.  Simple as that.  I’ve decided that there’s no need to waste my time or energy on negative, soul sucking relationships or situations that offer no hope of turning themselves around.  I recognize that some people may not get me.  I also recognize that others may choose to not support or endorse my life choices.  I’m also cool with the fact that when it’s all said and done, there may be a lot of folks missing from the frame.  I’m okay with all that.  FINALLY.

It’s become clear to me that I have a mission, and I intend to fulfill it.  I hope that I’ll have good things to report in the coming months.

Peace and blessings,

Tieshka